I woke up this morning at 4:30 a.m. to take a shower, put on my clothes and go have a colonoscopy. I’m only 45, so why, you ask, did I need a colonoscopy? After all the surgeries, infusions, poking, proding, etc., that I’ve been through in the last two and a half years, I now am about to have my sole remaining pitiful little right ovary removed along with all of the adhesions that my doctor and I suspect are causing my continuing pain. We’ve done an MRI to see what that could see; all it caught were two small cysts on the right ovary and a remnant from my left ovary. Since most of the pain is on the right side and shutting down the ovary didn’t help, surgery is all that’s left to do. It can’t be done laparoscopically because my doctor knows that my insides are glued together with adhesions. Thus, the pain. The MRI showed no problems with my urinary tract, and the colonoscopy was, to put it nicely, “clean as a whistle.”
All of this comes after having two surgeries in 2006 in addition to iron infusions for severe anemia, having a cyst the size of a small canteloupe removed along with my left ovary and tube in February of this year, and that followed 5 weeks later by a gall bladder attack and removal of said gall bladder. Needless to say, my insurance has been put to the test as well as my patience. Let’s see…anything else?
Yes, there is. WHAT?! The fact that I can still look at the silver lining and know that God has blessed me in so, so many ways. I look around me and see others in far worse shape, in far worse pain, and suffering much more.
I look around and see my sweet, wonderful husband taking care of me at every turn with never a complaint. I see him supporting me in anything I endeavor to do. I’ve lost 32 lbs., and he’s been beside me, cooking and encouraging me all the way. I look around and I see a family that I would not trade for anything. We don’t have much, but we do have love, lots and lots of love. Even with parents who have been divorced for 24 years, my brother, sister and myself know that we are loved and treasured every day. Our spouses have been welcomed into our family with open arms and treated with love. I look around and see my beautiful, beautiful nieces Lauren, Victoria and Rose. At 16, Lauren has been through much this past year as the result of a car accident on Christmas Day 2007. She’s not 100%, but she’s come through as a stronger and better person. At at little over 1 year old, Victoria has my heart. I would do anything to see her grow and flourish into a wonderful young woman. At 9, Rose has come into our family and is a smart, intelligent little girl with much talent and love to share.
I look around and I see my sister and treasure how close we’ve stayed over all the years we’ve been physically apart. I am so thankful that I come from a family where family is important and treasured and nourished as a very important part of your life. My foundation for staying close over the years was formed early in life and not even 16 years and 5,000 miles apart can shake my love for my sister and her family.
I look around and see my brother who has survived so much. He now has a beautiful wife and two gorgeous daughters. Though times can be hard, he relies on God to help him through and knows he still has much to be thankful for too. He is actively pursuing his dream of being a firefigher/first responder, and I am very proud of him! I am closer to him today than I have ever been.
I look around and see my job, the fact that I have a job, and not just a job, but a job where I feel I am both needed and appreciated. A job where my boss is more than just a boss, she’s a good friend. A job where I am both rewarded and encouraged to grow every day. I look around and see people who don’t like their jobs and don’t like interacting with people. And you can tell. You can always tell…but that’s another blog, another day! 🙂
I am now sitting in the north Georgia mountains, relaxing in a beautiful cabin with my husband. I’m looking around at the gorgeous fall colors, remembering falls past, football games and friends. I have many, many memories to cherish and hope to have more in the making with all those old friends, my family and new friends down the road.
I look around and know deep in my heart that God is taking care of me on a daily basis; all I need do is look around to see. I look around and am ashamed that I complain as much as I do. I look around and feel that I am more thankful than anything that I can still see the silver lining and not just the darkness when the pain hits. In this way I can keep a smile on my face during the hard times for I am truly blessed!